Shit I said I would email you people about:

-Though I said Harris would get mentioned first (look at that, he did!) and that these would be out Sunday night/Monday morning/night... FUCK THAT NOISE, I have finals so you get your stats today.

-Harris (that's twice!) made a RIDONKULOUS play in the top of the 7th. Sergio laced a line drive into the hole between 3rd and short but Harris was like, "FUCK Y'ALLES SON!" and made a diving catch to his right. Some people might call it Betancourt-esque. Those people would be retards. But for realsies, it was a 7-star Web Gem.

-Jay Cruzer won the game with a walk-off, bases-loaded, two-out single in the bottom of the 9th. He later facebooked that it was the greatest...thing that ever happened to him. His wife was not pleased.

-Apparently, Jay's mom has Ha-YUGE cans. They can be seen at http://image.fpsbanana.com/ico/sprays/distracting_kopia.jpg

-They can also be seen at http://www.jaysmomhashugetits.com

-This game marked the return of Larry aka Doc (he's a doctor) aka Lefty Larry (he's a lefty and duh) aka Shirtless Asian guy who isn't Kevin (...) aka Rarry (Alvin, you're racist).

-Larry and Vicki Siesta combined to walk nine...NINE times. Excellent way to turn over the lineup.

-Jose Lopez came off the DL (insert imaginary injury here) in a BALLER ASS way, going 3-5 with a couple rbi and gunning the handsomely fast and in no way out-of-shape Wilson Ramirez at home plate to end the 5th inning.

-Did I say baller ass way? Because I meant HILARIOUS ASS way. With one out in the 8th, Jose reached first base on a single. Remember, Jose = first base. The next batter, John B hit a line drive to Alvin in left field. Using his diabolical skills learned on the set of The Dark Knight, Alvin threw the ball in the direction of first base in an attempt to double up Jose. Remember, Jose = first base. Mark received the throw too late but, to his credit, thought (probably) "Hmm, this guy on first base (John B) in no way looks like Jose Lopez. I shall step on first for the double play." He did and so it was. Now you may be thinking, "what?" Good for you! You remembered that Jose = first base. Sadly, Jose did not remember that he = first base and, accordingly, was doubled up.

-At Wendy's, we theorized as to how this could have happened, each of the theories plausible in their own ridiculous way:

1) Jose thought that he was John B and saw nothing wrong with the fact that he was having an out of body experience and looked nothing like the dude he's seen in the mirror for the last 26+ years.

2) Jose and John B had a Freaky Friday moment and switched bodies.

2a) Holy shit, have they switched back?!?! They need to collide or something!

3) Jose was bored and wanted Jay to have his thrilling bottom of the 9th moment and HOLY FUCK HE CAN SEE THE FUTURE

-There were multiple Benny Rules! Mike got Benny Rule'd on a called strike three by his own teammate Jose. OR WAS IT JOHN B? WE MUST KNOW!

-Harris Benny Rule'd himself into a hit by pitch when his hand was hit by a pitch that dared to cross the middle of the plate and at the waist. How rude of that pitch!

-The two teams combined for 28 walks; PROBAYLP handed out 17 free passes (to the movies? No.) while FTINP's pitchers accounted for the remaining eleven.

-I'd like to sum up the RISP stat but I can't really see it too well. We can definitively say, however, that Wilson--that blazingly fast and handsome devil--was awful with runners on, stranding a bunch including a bases loaded pop up to the pitcher.

-Mike returned from the grave (OR WAS IT JOHN B??) to go 2-5 with a couple walks. Imagine what he could do when he was alive! He will return from the grave in 2 weeks.

-This game was played in memory of some dude named Mark Rubinsteinowitzson. Whatever, LONG LIVE CRARY!

-Roger took one in the butt from Jay. Somehow, that only meant first base.

-Roger is now tied with Pepe for leading the league in taking one in the butt from some dude. We look forward to seeing how this race plays out.

-Pepe accounted for more than a third of PROBAYLP's walks, reaching via bb 4 times. When reached for comment, he said, "Bro, bro, no comment bro. Bro."

-Mike threw an excellent tantrum in the later innings, culminating in a long toss of a (probably not his) glove. We gave it a 7.

-Sergio was Pudge v3.0 behind the plate. He helped turn an excellent double play in the 6th inning (started by Jimmy on the mound). He also picked off two runners at first.

-After each pickoff, Christos reminded everyone that he's the all-time stolen base leader and, as a result, King Kong doesn't have shit on him.

-Brian, leading off the 8th, hit an absolute BOMB to left field for a stand-up double. Some people say it was just a pop-up double though.

-Alejandro, Sepulveda, Chun and Vicky One (Cheng) flaked. This marks Alejandro's 21st Flake! He's the career leader in Flakes and the little known Flaking-Due-To-Passing-Out-On-Train. He gets a free Wendy's Frosty and unimagined scorn from the rest of us.

-Wilson remains the career leader in Passing-Out-On-Train-And-Still-Making-It-To-Baseball-The-Next-Day and POOTASMITB %.

-And finally, for Jay: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0IA3ZvCkRkQ