-Hah…DICKSAUCE. 

-At some point, Cruzer said that he hates hitting cleanup. He probably meant that he hates hitting after Wilson and Christos who combined to go 3-for-14 with two double plays.

-Mike…geez, Mike. During one of his non-aneurysm-having rants, he shouted that he does not give a FUCK about winning. If giving a fuck about winning cured cancer…fuck you, Mike Fusilli does not give a fuck about winning! If a beautiful, buxom Asian female named Winnie Ng asked Mike to give her a fuck, he would not. Mike only cares about stats, no more, no less. Fuck winning. If giving a fuck about winning improved stats…OMFG paradox.

-In related news, Mike was the only player on either team to not record a hit. *ducks*

-After the game, Mike held a reading of The Collected Works of Alejandro (Status & Tweets). Uproarious laughter ensued. 

-How about the wonderful drinking umpire? no mention in the game notes? that hurts.

Also, there were no fights, no screaming (other than Mike), and no stoppages of play! I think that might be a record. 

-"And our team was name The Mike Fusilli Special because everyone (except Chris) was 1 for 3, 4, or 5. Except for Chris who had two hits. Way to ruin it Chris." -Kevin

-The Materrorist, an off-road trucker in his spare time, grilled delicious burgers and dogs for the assembled crew. He is the first benevolent terrorist since Pablo Escobar.

-DON’T TOUCH THE FUCKING GATORADES!

-Unfortunately, there was only ketchup and mustard…no dicksauce.

Batting AB R H RBI BB K AVG Roger Cormier EH 4 1 1 1 2 1 .294 Top 1: Reach on Error (E6) vs. Kevin Chau Top 2: Strikeout vs. Kevin Chau Top 3: Sac Fly (F-7) vs. Kevin Chau (1 RBI) Top 5: Single vs. Kevin Chau Top 6: Walk vs. Kevin Chau Top 7: Reach on Fielder's Choice vs. Sergio Herrera Top 9: Walk vs. Mark Rubin Career Stats · Batting Game Log Wilson De La Cruz EH 7 1 2 3 0 1 .380 Top 1: Groundout (4-3) vs. Kevin Chau Top 3: Single vs. Kevin Chau Top 3: Popout (P-2) vs. Kevin Chau Top 5: Reach on Fielder's Choice vs. Kevin Chau Top 6: Single vs. Kevin Chau (2 RBI) Top 7: Strikeout vs. Sergio Herrera Top 9: Reach on Error (E4) vs. Mark Rubin (1 RBI) Career Stats · Batting Game Log Christos Plakas EH 7 1 1 1 0 0 .373 Top 1: Reach on Error (E6) vs. Kevin Chau (1 RBI) Top 3: Single vs. Kevin Chau Top 4: Reach on Error (E4) vs. Kevin Chau Top 5: Groundout (1-3) vs. Kevin Chau Top 6: Flyout (F-7) vs. Kevin Chau Top 8: Popout (P-1) vs. Sergio Herrera Top 9: Lineout (L-1) vs. Mark Rubin Career Stats · Batting Game Log Jay Chrzanowski 5 2 2 1 1 1 .370 Top 1: Reach on Fielder's Choice vs. Kevin Chau Top 3: Single vs. Kevin Chau (1 RBI) Top 4: Flyout (F-7) vs. Kevin Chau Top 6: Walk vs. Kevin Chau Top 7: Single vs. Sergio Herrera Top 8: Strikeout vs. Sergio Herrera Career Stats · Batting Game Log Mike Fusilli EH 4 2 0 1 1 2 .406 Top 1: Strikeout vs. Kevin Chau Top 3: Reach on Error (E4) vs. Kevin Chau (1 RBI) Top 4: Strikeout vs. Kevin Chau Top 6: Walk vs. Kevin Chau Top 7: Popout (P-5) vs. Sergio Herrera Top 8: Hit by Pitch vs. Sergio Herrera Career Stats · Batting Game Log Carlos Moreno EH 6 3 2 1 0 1 .440 Top 2: Strikeout vs. Kevin Chau Top 3: Single vs. Kevin Chau (1 RBI) Top 4: Flyout (F-9) vs. Kevin Chau Top 6: Single vs. Kevin Chau Top 7: Reach on Fielder's Choice vs. Sergio Herrera Top 8: Reach on Fielder's Choice vs. Sergio Herrera Career Stats · Batting Game Log Piro Espinal EH 3 3 1 0 3 0 .167 Top 2: Reach on Error (E5) vs. Kevin Chau Top 3: Walk vs. Kevin Chau Top 5: Walk vs. Kevin Chau Top 6: Popout (P-3) vs. Kevin Chau Top 7: Single vs. Sergio Herrera Top 9: Walk vs. Mark Rubin Career Stats · Batting Game Log Stephan Fenty EH 5 2 2 1 1 1 .308 Top 2: Strikeout vs. Kevin Chau Top 3: Single vs. Kevin Chau Top 5: Reach on Fielder's Choice vs. Kevin Chau Top 6: Walk vs. Kevin Chau (1 RBI) Top 7: Single vs. Sergio Herrera Top 9: Reach on Fielder's Choice vs. Mark Rubin Career Stats · Batting Game Log Joe Montuoro EH 6 0 4 3 0 0 .364 Top 2: Double vs. Kevin Chau (1 RBI) Top 3: Single vs. Kevin Chau Top 5: Flyout (F-9) vs. Kevin Chau Top 6: Popout (P-6) vs. Kevin Chau Top 7: Single vs. Sergio Herrera (2 RBI) Top 9: Single vs. Mark Rubin Career Stats · Batting Game Log Team Totals 47 15 15 12 8 7 .319 2B: Joe Montuoro. SF: Roger Cormier. HBP: Mike Fusilli. Team LOB: 17

Batting AB R H RBI BB K AVG Jake Gold EH 5 0 1 0 0 1 .385 Bot 1: Strikeout vs. Jay Chrzanowski Bot 3: Single vs. Jay Chrzanowski Bot 5: Groundout (4-3) vs. Jay Chrzanowski Bot 6: Popout (P-1) vs. Jay Chrzanowski Bot 8: Lineout (L-1) vs. Jay Chrzanowski Career Stats · Batting Game Log Sergio Herrera EH 5 1 1 0 0 0 .413 Bot 1: Groundout (1-3) vs. Jay Chrzanowski Bot 3: Groundout (3U) vs. Jay Chrzanowski Bot 5: Groundout (1-3) vs. Jay Chrzanowski Bot 6: Groundout (3U) vs. Jay Chrzanowski Bot 9: Single vs. Jay Chrzanowski Career Stats · Batting Game Log Kevin Chau 4 3 1 1 1 0 .222 Bot 1: Flyout (F-9) vs. Jay Chrzanowski Bot 4: Walk vs. Jay Chrzanowski Bot 6: Reach on Error (E5) vs. Jay Chrzanowski Bot 7: Popout (P-4) vs. Jay Chrzanowski Bot 9: Triple vs. Jay Chrzanowski (1 RBI) Career Stats · Batting Game Log Mark Rubin EH 3 1 1 1 0 1 .339 Bot 2: Hit by Pitch vs. Jay Chrzanowski Bot 4: Flyout (F-8) vs. Jay Chrzanowski Bot 6: Single vs. Jay Chrzanowski Bot 7: Strikeout vs. Jay Chrzanowski Bot 9: Sac Fly (F-8) vs. Jay Chrzanowski (1 RBI) Career Stats · Batting Game Log Patrick Craig EH 5 1 1 0 0 1 .222 Bot 2: Lineout (L-5) vs. Jay Chrzanowski Bot 4: Single vs. Jay Chrzanowski Bot 6: Strikeout vs. Jay Chrzanowski Bot 7: Popout (P-6) vs. Jay Chrzanowski Bot 9: Groundout (6-3) vs. Jay Chrzanowski Career Stats · Batting Game Log Joe Materrorist EH 5 1 1 1 0 0 .196 Bot 2: Flyout (F-9) vs. Jay Chrzanowski Bot 4: Flyout (F-9) vs. Jay Chrzanowski Bot 6: Reach on Error (E5) vs. Jay Chrzanowski (1 RBI) Bot 8: Reach on Error (E7) vs. Jay Chrzanowski Bot 9: Single vs. Jay Chrzanowski Career Stats · Batting Game Log Chris Coleman EH 5 1 2 3 0 2 .267 Bot 2: Strikeout vs. Jay Chrzanowski Bot 4: Double vs. Jay Chrzanowski (2 RBI) Bot 6: Single vs. Jay Chrzanowski (1 RBI) Bot 8: Strikeout vs. Jay Chrzanowski Bot 9: Reach on Error (E5) vs. Jay Chrzanowski Career Stats · Batting Game Log Jose Cornier EH 5 0 1 0 0 2 .056 Bot 3: Strikeout vs. Jay Chrzanowski Bot 4: Strikeout vs. Jay Chrzanowski Bot 6: Reach on Error (E1) vs. Jay Chrzanowski Bot 8: Single vs. Jay Chrzanowski Bot 9: Flyout (F-9) vs. Jay Chrzanowski Career Stats · Batting Game Log Alvin Law EH 4 0 1 1 0 2 .245 Bot 3: Strikeout vs. Jay Chrzanowski Bot 5: Strikeout vs. Jay Chrzanowski Bot 6: Reach on Error (E5) vs. Jay Chrzanowski (1 RBI) Bot 8: Single vs. Jay Chrzanowski Career Stats · Batting Game Log Team Totals 41 8 10 7 1 9 .244 2B: Chris Coleman. 3B: Kevin Chau. SF: Mark Rubin. HBP: Mark Rubin. Team LOB: 10

Pitching IP H R ER BB K ERA Jay Chrzanowski (W, 6-1) 9.0 10 8 4 1 9 5.52 Team Totals 9.0 10 8 4 1 9 4.00 2B: Jay Chrzanowski. 3B: Jay Chrzanowski. HBP: Jay Chrzanowski.

Pitching IP H R ER BB K ERA Kevin Chau (L, 0-1) 6.0 10 12 7 6 5 9.00 Sergio Herrera 2.0 4 2 2 0 2 5.18 Mark Rubin 1.0 1 1 0 2 0 17.28 Team Totals 9.0 15 15 9 8 7 9.00 2B: Kevin Chau. HBP: Sergio Herrera.